Behold the Long Tail in action

In the six days since I uploaded that silly Zombie Comedian video to YouTube, it’s been watched 123 times and marked as a favorite by two people. Okay, one of those people was FruitBat and he only did it because he’s my friend but… hey, I got one!

This blog has, at most, ten subscribers. Deana mentioned it on hers, which probably got me another 25 hits. This means that, in less than one week, close to 100 people found it on their own.

Seriously, does content get any more niche than a zombie standup comedian?

PS – Yes, Deana has more readers than me. This is because, as Bob likes to remind me, she’s funny and I’m not.

Who knew that Glaucoma was so awesome?

It’s hard to know where to begin with this one. Do we start with the operatic ode to Glaucoma (available for download), the Terry Gilliam style floating heads in the upper left hand corner, the rotating whatsit at the lower right, or the logo that looks like it was designed for a Bond villain?

Who am I kidding? Scroll the left frame down and let the mystical blue eye look into your soul.

Presented for your consideration: The Association Of International Glaucoma Societies.

Man, I love those heads. Let them go for a few minutes and they’re all over the place.

Don’t like the music? You can change it to Chopin, Maria Callas, or Elvis Presley’s recording of Suspicious Minds using the wierd little thingy at the lower left.

An update to Life’s Little Instruction Book

The Student Doctor Forum has a great thread, titled Things I Learn From My Patients. It’s a collection of those heartwarming, life affirming lessons that can only come from seeing people experience the purest moments of their lives. We’re lucky to be able to look over these young doctors’ shoulders as they learn what it means to heal.

Some of my favorites:

never leave your last refill of percocet in plain site after your docs office closes if one of these 3 friends is coming over for dinner:

  1. some dude
  2. my friend
  3. that bitch


Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.


Drinking Pine Sol diluted in a 5 gallon bucket, shared with 5 friends, is not a good way to get drunk.


If you are going to get into a fight, and have a prosthetic eye, make sure you take it out first…..and, for safe keeping, shove it up your vagina…..the, realize that you cannot get it out and go to the ED for removal


No matter how annoyed you are at being incarcerated dont slash open your scrotum and shove razor blades up your urethra.

Is Gruntled a word?

So I bought

this book
from Amazon. I am trying to convince Fruitbat and DarkMan that
Smalltalk
is the language of
the future
(stop snickering and check out
seaside or
croquet, I’m serious, you won’t regret it) and I want to convince them to try it out. I’m looking for some introductory material that isn’t either twenty years old or hopelessly nerdish. Stop rolling your eyes at me, it’s amazing how much you can get done with just…

Oops, sorry for the soapbox moment. I’m back now. All of that, while true, isn’t really the point of this story. The only part of that matters is that I bought a book.

DHL decided, for reasons known only to them and their dark masters, to deliver my book to a post office. I called DHL to ask why they’d done such a thing, and their response was that Amazon requires it. If I have a problem, I need to take it up with Amazon.

Not a big deal, you say, the post office is maybe six hundred feet from your house! Even you’re not that lazy! For the record, I am, but that’s not important right now. The post office they delivered it to is not the one six hundred feet from my house. They delivered it, again for reasons unknown, to a post office that is downtown and to which I will have to drive. Not exactly a Khmer Rouge killed half the population of my town sort of problem but I was annoyed nevertheless. If I’d wanted to drive and get the book, the Borders is closer. Princess wants the book to come to me.

So I called the super-double-secret Amazon customer support line (which I found on
a blog — 800-201-7575 — love the blogs).

They picked up on the first ring.

I got as far as “they shipped it to a post office box and…”, and the guy said, “I apologize, sir. We will ship you a replacement overnight at no charge”.*

You apologize? Wha? But what about all of the scathing stuff I’d worked out for you? I was prepared! I was left sputtering, “but they shipped it…”.

He was having none of it. “Do you have a pen and paper, sir? I will give you the order number of the replacement right now. We will ship it overnight at no charge to you.”

I feel… disgruntled, no wait not that, the other thing. Gruntled? No, give me a second, I know it: Satisfied?

Yes. Satisfied. I hadn’t prepared for this outcome. Break out the Asti Spumanti because he said he’d call and he called.

Amazon, baby. Go buy something from them right now. Your master commands it.

* Conversation reproduced from my memory. Given the other things that my memory tells me, it’s possible that I never called Amazon at all and the guy on the phone was just trying to get rid of me so he could find out what people want on their pizzas. Further given that I’m the guy who started off by telling you that smalltalk is the wave of the future, you’re probably better off ignoring the whole thing.

UPDATE: The pizza guy must have passed along my message. The book arrived, as promised, within 18 hours of my phone conversation. Holy moley! Amazon just got a customer for life.