A true story that would have been funnier if it had come wrapped around a piece of bubble gum

A few years ago, two co-workers of mine were discussing an upcoming concert.

Let’s call them John and Mark [*]

John was a fan of the signer Eros Ramazotti. Mr. Ramazotti had announced a concert to be played locally and John was very excited.

Mark said, “I saw him last year and I was disappointed. It really wasn’t very good at all”.

John was crushed to hear this. Rather than see his idol perform poorly, he decided to skip the concert and just listen to his recordings.

Fast forward a few weeks to the day after the concert. The reviews are in, and by all accounts it was a triumph. Masterful showmanship, a performer in full voice, excellent musicians. A great time had by all.

John was somewhat upset about this. He said to Mark, “I thought you said it was a bad concert!”

“Well”, Mark said thoughtfully and paused for a very long time, “I guess you have to like that kind of music”.

If this had been a bazooka bubble gum comic, the force of Mark’s comment would have blown John out of the room and all we’d see would be his feet in a huge cloud of smoke and dust. Sadly for everyone, it wasn’t, so instead John stalked from the room and spent the next few months muttering darkly about Mark and people like him.

[*] This is appropriate because their real names were also John and Mark.

The Booty Call of Cthulu

Is your love life a swirling, soul eating, descent into madness and terror?

Do the words squamous and rugose make you feel all tingly?

Do you only like to date Old Ones?

If not, it’s definitely time you paid a visit to:

silly sign

Of course you’ve probably already guessed their specialty: Tentacle porn.

Yes, it’s real. No, they had no freaking idea why I was laughing so hard at their sign and, no, they were not at all amused by me taking a picture.

“Did you know that your dog is on the roof?”

No. No, I didn’t.

Of course, what I wanted to say was: “Yes. He knows what he did”, or “DUH he’s an AIR dale”, or “man, that guy can JUMP”, or — best of all — “I don’t have a dog”.


But no, I climbed out on the roof (nearly falling myself), clipped a long leash to his collar, and dragged his sorry butt back in. For the record, this is the SECOND of Deana’s animals I’ve risked life and limb to rescue from a high place.

Then, as soon as he got back inside, he wrapped the leash around a table and flipped it — spilling to the floor half a dozen craft mirrors Deana was working on.

I really, really dislike that dog.

And yes, Naval, I need to get a better camera phone.